Stop Settling

Stop settling. A statement I have been thoroughly preached through my life and have since adapted as a core value. The core value being this concept of not accepting less than I deserve, or compromising who I am, what I believe, and what I want from life just for the simple satisfaction of having something in the moment. Now, while settling applies to a majority of life situations such as, friends, careers, or fill in the blank, in this moment in time I found the idea of settling to be most relevant in the topic of boys. Or girls, for all of the sappy boys out there reading my blog post. Due to culture changes, social media, the sexual revolution, and human's overall desire for a companion, we see time and time again the tragedy of people settling for the best option they have at the time, who ultimately isn't all that. Over and over we hear stories of broken hearted girls or angry boys breaking their hands after punching drywall due to romantic strife.

Through the month of January I was fairly interested in this boy, we'll call him Joe (Joe who? Joe Momma. Okay, okay, I'll stop now). I met Joe, we hung out, talked a bit, and I was pretty convinced he was everything I had ever wanted. Joe checked off many of boxes on my "Dream Husband" checklist that other guys had failed to check off. I saw this and immediately became in love with the idea of having a boyfriend, someone by my side through and through. The idea of getting butterflies, going on dates, and the whole nine yards of a relationship was so thrilling to me, as someone who has a 16 year streak of being single. Through this, and the little skill I like to call "getting attached too easily", I began to crush on Joe. As my crush developed, I started to put blinders on to the things I didn't like, like whether he was a Christian or not, or whether he used the correct form of "your" in a sentence. Aside from this, I began to compromise how I was being treated. I attempted to convince myself that my constant questioning, worrying, and confusion towards the relationship was normal (it's not). I began to backtrack on my values, disregarding the fact that Joe was putting no effort into talking to me or trying to be with me AT ALL. My month long fling with Joe has since ended, because I sat back and realized I deserved way more than what Joe was giving or could ever give me. Even worse, I discovered that through talking to Joe, I started to compromise my standards, and even question my self worth, as questions of "Am I good enough?" began to invade my headspace. If a guy ever causes you to question yourself or lower your standards, it's probably not a healthy relationship to pursue.

Here's the thing, girls grow up thinking that it's impossible for us to ever meet that sweet guy who would bring us flowers, surprise us with our favorite candy, or drop everything just to spend a measly hour with us. It seems like a fairytale that that we will never have, and because of this, girls settle upon the most decent looking boy within a 50 mile radius. Stop lowering your standards! In the future, you will meet someone who will truly be every single one of your standards, and will cherish you completely. When it is meant to be, things will be EASY, there will be no confusion and rare difficulty. Now, pause for a moment, I said "meant to be". No, I don't think one day the stars are going to align and you are going to meet your "soulmate". Moreover, "meant to be" as in everything you have ever wanted, you will find in someone.

In addition to this, news flash honey, when a boy likes you, you will know. Guys are very black and white with their feelings. If he wants to be with you and have a future with you, it will be clear. If it's not clear? Well, time to move on, because you deserve better than a guy who is "unsure" about you. Now, ponder this. We are on a huge. floating. rock. In the middle of a beautiful, vast galaxy, and you are tripping over a boy who won't text you back? There is so much LIFE and beauty in the world, but you want to be with Kyle who has the intelligence of a toothpick and hasn't even asked you on a proper date? Frankly, it is a little ridiculous how we accept this level of treatment, when we deserve so much more. Going into something romantically involved requires you to be confident in how valuable you are, and knowing what you deserve. You need to know what you want from life, and a spouse, and never accept less than that. To delineate, I have a bright future ahead of me; full of adventure, traveling, and experiencing the what life has to offer. I know I need to be with someone who has the same intentions. I have too much ambition and too many dreams, then to be with someone who wants to settle down in the 302. If that's your vibe, then go for it. That is why it is so important to identify what you want from your life, and to not accept anyone less than who can provide that for you.

This morning I was listening to Morgan Wallen while making breakfast, dancing around the kitchen to the sweet country love songs, and thought to myself "someone is going to love me like this one day." The dancing around a parking lot, in love with the color of your eyes, wants to spend the rest of his life with you lyrics in a song are how someone will feel about you one day. It is not impossible, it is not far fetched, and it is not just in movies, so STOP SETTLING. You may be lonely and February 14th this year may be filled with eating chocolate covered strawberries alone while watching The Notebook, but that is okay! It is so much better to be alone, waiting for the best guy for you, then it is to be with someone who isn't everything you want.

Following my country love song epiphany, I watched a few of those inspirational "I Live in Hawaii" Tiktoks and was once again reminded of my dream life, and how big the world is. There are so many people you have yet to meet, places you have yet to see, and food you have yet to try, so be patient when it comes to relationships. Out there is the person you are meant to be with (Remember, not in an odd mystical way haha), and 9 times out of 10 it isn't Kevin from your hometown, it's probably like Diego from Bali or Jerry from Minnesota. Diego is going to chase you, and make it known he wants you. Say goodbye to your Joe, or Kevin, or Kyle, because your Diego is out there. Stop settling, that's all.