20 Lessons I Learned in 2020

1. It's okay to be alone, and sometimes it's the better option

This is my most valued lesson of 2020 and the hardest pill to swallow. Through my freshman and sophomore year I have been abandoned, betrayed, and singled out. I have about three close friends, I don't get invited many places, and nine times out of ten when the teacher says "Pick a partner", no one makes eye contact with me. Consequently, I struggled with loneliness for a long time. I was constantly questioning what was wrong with me. Thoughts of "Am I not good enough?", "Why don't they like me?", "What am I doing wrong?" took up 99% of my brain space for years. After lots (and I mean LOTS) of self-reflection I came to the conclusion that I simply wasn't doing anything to deter them from being my friend. Now, I won't bore you with the juicy details of my friendship drama, just know that I was alone, against my preference as an extreme extrovert. I learned a lot from being alone, along with the fact that it is okay to have a season in your life that isn't bombarded with constant people. You discover a lot about yourself and others, when you sit back and watch life unfold before you. Often, I feel misunderstood, in a way where I feel I am on a deeper level than most teenagers my age. My mom calls it being an "old soul". From finding contentment in loneliness, I also uncovered that sometimes being alone is better. Don't compromise who you are or your values, just to be a part of a certain group of people. You may feel lonely, but that's okay. I don't know about you, but I would much rather be alone than waste my time with toxic people who are consumed by this idea that they are superior to everyone else.

2. Most of this isn't going to matter in ten years

Here is your refreshing reminder that the boy that left you on opened, the mean girl that made fun of your outfit, the bad test grade, and so many seemingly monumental moments of your life are actually totally irrelevant. This is how I view it, and how you should too. One day, I am going to be traveling the world, on a gondola in Venice, Italy, and the judgements made by my peers will not matter. Stop focusing on things that are ultimately meaningless, you are wasting precious seconds of your life.

3. Don't be afraid to stand out

Stop trying to fit in and be like everyone else. Be your best self. Stand up straight and tall. Walk with confidence. Be bold. Be fiercely kind. Stand up for yourself and others. Be a fruit loop in world full of cheerios *mic drop* #ascheesyascheddar

4. It's okay to not be okay

For a majority of my life, and for the span of high school so far, I have felt the expectation to have it together all the time. These unrealistic expectations were set by myself and others. I, being a naturally enthusiastic and joyful person was labeled immediately as "happy and hyper" from the jump. If I was anything other than the previously stated adjectives, I was going against what was expected of me. If I was upset, tired, irritated, or just a little moody, it was wrong and wasn't "who I was". I felt it was wrong for me to not have it altogether. I myself had this standard of perfection for myself that I constantly had to meet. Due to this, I created this facade that I was always okay, because NOT being okay was unthinkable. 2020 taught me that it is okay to not be okay. We all have tough days, weeks, months, and even years. Everything is not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, and that is fine. I was once told that no matter what, life will always be a struggle, it is just about learning how to struggle well. Please, eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's (preferably the Tonight Dough) and cry, scream, whatever you need to do. You are NOT going to have it together every day and that is normal.

5. If someone offers you Dunkin', don't say no

Seriously. Enjoy your life. Drink the coffee. If you deny the offer, you will regret it, trust me.

6. People are always going to find something wrong with you, so you might as well do what you want

This is a touchy one. Do I think you should go shoot up heroin because you "want to"? No. Do I think you should sleep with your ex's best friend because "people will talk no matter what"? Not at all. I am not encouraging you to compromise your values, your character, or who you are. I am more so emphasizing that we are all just HUMANS trying our best, and we need to strive to be the best people we can be. People are going to judge how you look, what you wear, who you are friends with, what your personality is like, and everything in between. That, my readers, is just a few examples of what people will have an issue with. Regardless of your life or who you are, people will always find something to hate on. So, live your life. Find comfort in that it's YOUR life and that you are trying your best, just like the rest of them. Do not take this as some miraculous sign to go off the deep end, but rather a nudge to let go of other people's opinions of your journey and who you are.

7. Never be someone's second choice... or third... or fourth

Sorry boo, but I deserve to be someone's first choice, as do you. Someone should want to move MOUNTAINS, just to be with you. If they like you, love you, or want to be with you, you will KNOW. You shouldn't be someone's "option", you should be the only one on the list.

8. Forgive, but don't forget

You hear to "forgive and forget" many many times through the course of life. After some thought, I decided it is a totally idiotic statement. I think it is important to forgive people, because everyone is human and makes mistakes. Yet, taking it to the extent of FORGETTING, is unacceptable. Picture this. A girl, let's call her Sally, tells Betty a secret, and Betty tells the whole school. So, Sally forgives her, moves on, and continues to tell Betty private information, and again and again Betty tells everyone. Sally is stupid. Sally is trying to forgive and forget, which clearly isn't working out in her favor. You have to take knowledge from your bad experiences, and adapt. It is important to heal and forgive others, but that doesn't mean to continuously throw your heart on the line.

9. Take pictures and videos of everything, but don't forget to live in the moment

Our generation is absorbed by our phones and various other forms of technology. Do not be so captivated by the screen that you forget to enjoy the moment you are in. Yet, along with this, remember to catch and record the beautiful moments of life. Find the balance of being present enough to MAKE the memories while being able to CAPTURE a few joyous glimpses of them as well.

10. Take risks

One of the best things my mom has ever taught me is what we now call "The Regret Test". When making practically any decision, you have to ask yourself which of the two options you will regret more. For example, a few years ago I was invited to go to a fully paid week long summer camp with a group of strangers (bonus fact, I was told of this offer the night before we would leave for camp). I was conflicted, nervous, and sat back in my comfort zone and decided I would rather not go. My mom proceeded to tell me "Ayla, be honest. Will you regret going and maybe having not the most fantastic time, or NOT going and and always asking yourself 'What if?'" That really resonated with me, as I was always a "live life to the fullest" person, and so, I went to the camp. It was a risk, but it ended up being one of the best experiences of my life. From that moment on, I refused to be afraid, and vowed to always, if given the chance, go on the adventure. Get out of your comfort zone. I don't want to look back on my life and have any regrets, and I am sure you don't either. So, ask the boy for his number, jump off the cliff into the water, sing karaoke in front of a crowd, do it all. Live with no regrets, and take risks.

11. Eat. More. Carbs.

As someone who is battling an eating disorder, this is a struggle to admit and some days an unfathomable truth. I feared carbs (you know, bread, pasta, rice, all the goods) for the high calories it contained. I have been fighting this voice telling me that carbs are "bad" or "unhealthy". I am far from being fully recovered, but I have made leaps and bounds with food, including carbs. Your body is physically dependent on carbohydrates for energy, and needs them to move your body externally and function internally. AND, carbs are good for the soul! Guys, nothing is better than pasta, and that is a fact. Stop being afraid of carbs, because they will NOT make you fat. CARBS FUEL YOUR BODY. Now go eat a bagel for me or something.

12. Know what you want and don't settle for less

You have to know your value. Often, with friendships or romantic relationships, we settle for the best there is RIGHT NOW. We accept treatment we don't deserve, we compromise our values, and even go as far as losing ourselves to fit in, or HAVE SOMEONE. We give up on dreams and goals because of doubt, judgement, or practically any external disapproval. It is difficult growing up in a small town where everyone seems happily bound to the county lines. It is our nature to SETTLE. It is easy to settle for the toxic group of friends, easy to settle for the boy who has a decent personality, easy to let go of your goals and settle. Mega news flash, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL. DON'T SETTLE. Know what you want. Know your value, understand your morals, identify your goals, set your standards high, and don't accept anything lower. You may be alone for a little while, and in that case... well, just look at Lesson #1 ;)

13. The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

Need I say more?

14. Take care of your self physically AND mentally

For a majority of 2020 I poured a ridiculous amount of energy into maintaining my physical wellbeing. I was eating all the veggies, drinking tons of water, and constantly working out. I was obsessed with staying fit. Yet, as physically in shape as I was, my mental state was deteriorating. I kept putting off my emotions and inner turmoil with this logical motto of "It will be okay in the end." I mean, I had a point. All of my problems and heartaches WOULD be okay in the end. To an extent, that is a fantastic mindset to have (pat on the back to me). Although this is a good outlook, I learned the hard way that SAYING things will be okay and brushing them underneath the rug is not enough. Address your emotions. Heal from heartbreak. It is okay to hurt, be confused, and be sad, just remember it will all work out hehe. Take care of yourself mentally, as well as physically.

15. Laughter is the best medicine

So cliche, yet one of the most stand out lessons I learned throughout the past 365 days. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, and I mean BELLY laugh, like peeing yourself, wheezing, smacking the table, tears in your eyes, can't hold yourself together, laugh. When you are upset, google some cheesy dad jokes, I guarantee you will feel even the tiniest smidgen better after giggling at a few puns. Laughing is truly the best treatment for any bad mood, sadness, or conflict you are experiencing.

16. Love life, people, and everything in between

Recently, my momma played me a PragerU video (nerd alert), where the speaker gave his talk and answered a few questions at the end. Frankly, I can't remember the speaker's name, what the talk was about, or what the question was. What I do remember, and what I think I will always remember, is when he began talking about his favorite pen. Yes, his favorite pen. From here, he discussed how happiness comes from loving little things, like pens. This sparked dialogue between my mom and I, as we agreed that so much joy comes from LOVING. Think about it, if you are a pessimistic and ungrateful person, you are most certainly not a joyful person. You have to love life, and I mean really love it. Not just life as a whole, but all of the people, and the little things it contains. Little things like the sun shining through your window when you wake up, how someone lights up when their favorite song comes on in the car, or the electricity that flows through you during a concert. Here is a challenge. Write a list of 50 things you love, your only restriction being that you cannot just put down 50 names. I want you to really think about it. There is so much to love. You will be so much happier when you fall in love with life.

17. Give someone a compliment each day

Do it. Kind words go a long way, and truly spark something inside of someone that will spread among others. Your words are powerful, and have the difference between life and death. Use your words for good. Point out someone's new hairstyle, or their dope shoes. Compliment their laugh, or how their eyes light up when they talk about what they are passionate about. It will go a long way, and ultimately make you and them feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

18. Make the most out of everything

Simple, simple, simple. There is beauty in everyone, everything, and every moment. Sometimes it is an incredible challenge, but you truly must find joy and appreciation in everything. Make the most of your night stuck at home alone, make the most of a situation gone wrong, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, please make that group project with the random assortment of oddball kids you never associate with FUN. Make the most of life. (I'm serious about the group project thing though, you will meet some of the most genuine people ever in those situations, so enjoy it)

19. Sing in the car at the top of your lungs

Roll down the windows, open the sunroof, let your hair down, turn the volume up, and belt the lyrics to "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison. Like laughter, performing concerts in the car is guaranteed to heal your soul and make you smile, and makes for some of the best memories.

20. Find what makes you feel alive, and give it oxygen

Discover what you enjoy, what you love, what you are passionate about, and pour your energy into that. I learned that I was wasting so much time on people and things that drained me instead of filling me. Know yourself, and know what sparks life inside of you. Whether it be music, art, missions, cooking, jokes, writing, traveling, or something totally different. If it makes you feel alive, pour your heart and soul into it, and give it oxygen, so it can thrive.